No Post Tonight

We had a really bad night last night. Due to fatigue, there's no update tonight. I'll catch up tomorrow. Thanks.

A Blog Retraction

Ok, ok so Angelique’s declaration yesterday of “no pain” was drug-induced and a little exaggerated, so I guess I need to hereby retract my blog post of yesterday. However, her pain seems to be “managed” at this point. She mostly slept through the night, which is new and welcome, and when the Hospice nurse called this morning and offered to come over and increase her drip, Angelique waved her off. Her pain was at a “tolerable” level-5 and she wanted to see how she’d fare through the day.

At about 4 this afternoon the nurse called again and this time Angelique requested the increase in dose. After the nurse’s visit we got her (Angelique—not the nurse) bathed and as of 7 pm, she’s sleeping ahead of her dinner of my mom’s homemade chicken noodle soup. As I write this, I’ve got the baby monitor speaker here on my desk so that I will hear her when she stirs.

Meanwhile, I’m seeing dark, heavy clouds in a couple of directions and it appears that some locales are receiving the rain that they so badly need; but not this locale. It’s so dry here you could lose a golf ball in the cracks in the soil. The dry conditions only amplify the heat. A good shower would not only nourish the earth, but I’m sure it would put everybody, Angelique included, in a better frame of mind.

The nurse has given us a “heads-up” that the IV bag will run out of medicine sometime in the wee hours. We are to call her, at which time she’ll come out and change out the medicine bag, so we’ve got that to look forward to. Oh, boy!

Let’s just hope that waking up in the middle of the night and changing out her medicine bag is the worst that happens until tomorrow.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned.

A Request

A great big “thank you”  goes out to all of you who have inquired, posted comments, emailed, or offered us food!

Instead of more food, something that Angelique and I would like for you to do for us is to make a donation to Hospice Brazos Valley. They have been wonderful. Until now I really had no idea what a “hospice” was. What I had pictured in my imagination was a woman in scrubs coming by the house and taking someone pulse. Yes, they do visit regularly and record vital signs, but they are so much more than that. From the minute we signed on they were like family. And they have a great operation too. Whether we have a crisis at 3 o’clock in the morning, or need help with the body-donor program, the women of Hospice Brazos Valley are there to help.

In addition to a round-the-clock nursing staff, they have social workers, counselors, sitters, even a guy who comes around every so often and brings flowers. They furnish (and deliver) all the medical equipment we have needed. Oh yeah, and all the necessary pain medication. And, believe me, there have been plenty of pain meds. All at no cost to the patient. So instead of helping me hang on to this “girlish figure”, let’s help them out instead.

To help them out, click on the link above to go to their website, or drop a tax-deductable donation in the mail to:

Hospice Brazos Valley

1048 N. Jefferson

La Grange, TX 78945

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editor’s note: I have heard that some of you watch this space for updates on Angelique’s condition. I’ll be posting one of those early this evening.

Just Maybe—Progress

A little background: on Monday, we got Angelique hooked up to an IV here at the house. They’re using dilaudid for pain medication. The initial dose was too small. Monday night was pretty bad.

On to yesterday—the nurse came over and adjusted the pump to a higher dose (she has a constant flow of meds and button she can press for an “instant” boost). Tuesday night was better, but she still awoke a couple of times in pain.

Then this morning, they came out again and upped the dose again. Mark & Tammy (her brother & sister-in-law) left this morning, and Ed & Monica (her parents) arrived. She has been able to move about the house and visit with her guests today. She’s high as a kite, but for the first time in a couple of months, she says she has NO PAIN!!!!

Again, thanks to Laurie Quitta for putting the idea of an IV into my head. This just may be what Angelique has been needing to get her pain under control. We’ll see how she does tonight.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned…

Off to a rocky new start

Last evening was really nice. I thought we might be over the hump on this pain management thing. I thought hooking Angelique up to a medicine pump was brilliance itself. Well…

She awoke about 2 am in horrible pain. It seems that while she was awake, she utilized the pain button every 15 minutes, just like the nurse instructed her to do. But when she went to sleep, obviously she was no longer using the pain button. Well, the pain more than caught up with the constant dose she was being given.

I stayed up for the next two hours hitting the pain button every 15 minutes for her while she slept. I guess I finally succumbed to slumber about 4:00 am. Then she awoke again at 6, hurting again.

The hospice nurse came this morning and reprogrammed the pump to deliver a bigger constant dose, and a bigger “on demand” dose too. After a while, the new dose started to take hold and Angelique went back to sleep.

The afternoon started out better. She was able to move around, with mid-level pain, and visit with brothers Mark & James and Tammy & Kim. This time, she wasn't hitting the pain button every 15 minutes like she was last night. She did use it, but not as often.

She's asleep now, at about 6:00 pm, and seems to be resting pretty peacefully. The real story will be after she retires for the evening. We have to see how she reacts after she has not accessed the pain button for several hours.

I guess we'll know more tomorrow morning.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned.

Cautiously Optimistic

After a conversation with a nurse friend of ours yesterday about various pain-management methods, I called hospice this morning to inquire about an IV drip. Turns out they have a pump about the size of a big calculator that can be used for such a purpose. Angelique decided that is the way she wants to go, so the staff at hospice hopped to it and put something together for her today.

They came over about four this afternoon and hooked the thing up through the port that she’s had installed in her chest for about the last year and a half. They decided to use a pain med called “dilauded”. It’s supposed to be extremely stronger than morphine. She has a constant delivery, as well as an “on demand” button that she can hit every 15 minutes to deliver an extra hit when it is needed.

It’s about 8:30 pm now, and she says she’s very comfortable. She’s been awake a good part of the day, she took a bath and ate dinner earlier. She must carry this pump around with her (it fits in a bag about the size of a medium-sized purse). It operates on batteries, or a/c plug.

I guess we’ll see over the next day or so if this is finally the right protocol to control her pain.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned…

No respite from the heat, or the pain

Sunday afternoon here at the ranch. Shortly after my last post, yesterday, Angelique awoke, still in pain. I “pushed” all her breakthrough pain meds through the evening and night. We had to get up only once overnight and she slept till about 6:30 this morning. About that time she began having chest pains again. I reassured her that she was not having a heart attack, gave her her morning dose and got her back to sleep. As Bailey kept vigil, I attended mass. My last turn to usher till November.

About noon I gave the Hospice nurse a summary of our use of the breakthrough meds since noon yesterday. She consulted with the doctor and he directed us to increase her methadone by 50%. The thought being that that amount will keep her from having to take so much morphine in between.

Brother Mark and Tammy are on their way here from Gilmer. They’ll be here a few days to help us out around the house. Not much to do outside in this heat. I’m not sure where the lawnmower is…haven’t had to use it in so long.

Good friend, communion minister, and nurse, Laurie Quitta came by and gave Angelique holy communion and visited with us about the medical stuff. It’s good to have a friend you can trust to give you the inside story on all this pain medication. Angelique’s dresser looks like we robbed a pharmacy.

We’ll see in the next 24 hours whether the increase in her methadone takes hold.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned…

So far, so good...

Very quiet so far today. Angelique & Bailey both sacked out here at 2:15 pm. Bailey's new job at Pizza Shack kept her out very late. Angelique had a semi-painful night, but we got her meds in her early this morning and she's slept the rest of the day. Let's hope that means elevated comfort.

An Overnight Scare

As posted earlier, they changed Angelique’s main pain medication from morphine to methadone on Wednesday. She slept most of the day yesterday. They told us that it would take several days for the methadone to work its way into her system.

She awoke in the middle of the night last night with pains in her chest and shortness of breath. We both thought at first that she was having a heart attack. I immediately called Hospice and learned “on-the-fly” how to get her oxygen machine hooked up. I gave her a shot of her liquid morphine (usually for breakthrough pain, but good for anxiety too). After a few terrifying minutes, she settled down. After about 15 minutes, she was back asleep and slept through the rest of the night ok. The medics really don’t know what happened. I believe now that she was having a bad anxiety attack. Her Hospice nurse says she thinks so too.

She then slept most of the day again today. She did wake long enough to eat a little and take a bath. It’s about 5:30 pm now and she’s sleeping again. We’ll get her up again in a couple of hours for more numbing gel, then again at 11:00 for her overnight meds. We’ll just wait and see how the night goes.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned…

The Rollercoaster Ride Continues…

Today the staff at Hospice Brazos Valley had their regular meeting. Angelique was the subject of at least part of it. The doctor decided to change her main pain medication, and a couple of the other ones too.

Right now (9:30 Wednesday night) she’s sleeping soundly. We’ll get her up at 11:00 for her overnight dose. She seems to be resting well.

Monsignor Petru and Deacon John of Holy Rosary Catholic Church came over this morning and gave her the Sacrament of the Sick. The four of us held mass right here in the living room. I assure you that the irony of that right there was not lost on me ;)  They say the Sacrament of the Sick has healing powers. Let’s hope so. So far, so good…We know deep-down that it probably won’t cure her (you never know), but at least it could give her a respite from the pain.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned…

Looking for Relief—Again

Happier times last spring.

The extreme pain is back. My last cancer update,  posted a week ago painted a rosy picture. The hospice medical staff had arrived at a point where Angelique’s pain seemed to be managed, but it only lasted a couple of days. Her pain seems to outpace whatever medicines seem to have it under control.

She had a follow-up appointment with her oncologist in Austin this morning. We made it about a mile down the road when she exclaimed, “I can’t do this”, so we immediately doubled back and returned home. We managed to get her back into the house and into bed, where she spent most of the rest of the day in relative agony. As those of you who have visited her know, she has moved into Danielle’s room, where the bed is lower to the ground and the trip to the toilet is shorter.

It’s after 10 pm now. She’s in bed awaiting her 11:00 dose of meds. The pain usually seems to be worse at night, which is both mystifying and frustrating in and of itself.

She’s a strong woman, but she is weakening. I feel the need to check in on her by the hour, but I must get my sleep too. This is hell, and it’s getting harder.

Our priest is supposed to stop by tomorrow to offer her some spiritual encouragement, if she feels up to it. If you seek your help in the Lord, please ask for help for her too.

I have had many of you comment on this blog. Thanks for that. If you would like a direct response, or if you would like a more personal update, click on my profile. There you will find a link to my email address. I will be glad to respond to your personal messages, as time and energy allow.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned…

The Eagle has Landed

Well we now have brother Fred’s sleek, stylish travel trailer parked in the yard. I know you’ve all been feverishly awaiting its arrival. Its arrival now means that if you want to come and visit Angelique and are planning to stay here, you will now have your “own space”. By “own space”, I mean you no longer have to stay in my house and possibly put somebody out of their bedroom, or otherwise disrupt the routine, such as it is, within.

It sleeps about seven, I guess. I haven’t figured out yet if the dining room table/seats make into a bed or not. I don’t even know if Fred knows. I think he’s used it for camping once since he bought it.

As you can see, it has one of those slide-out thingies that really gives it a lot of room inside. The shower’s way too small for me, so I probably won’t be doing much camping in it; and If I do, I probably won’t be doing much showering in it.

It has about a 13-inch TV with a VHS and a DVD player, so bring your own movies and enjoy!

Anyway, thanks to Fred for letting us use it for our “guest quarters” for a while.

Bugle Boy Songwriting Workshop

Dana Cooper and Bugle Boy owner, Lane Gosnay

Last Saturday I decided to attend the Bugle Boy’s Songwriting Workshop, conduced by renowned songwriter/performer Dana Cooper. I have never attended any kind of songwriting classes, or anything else like this, so I didn’t know what to expect. As you know from following this blog, my writing style is more journalistic than expressive. We learned exercises that I can utilize in order to stimulate the “other side” of my brain.

There were only eight of us in the workshop. There was myself, a local pastor, and a local attorney. Others in attendance included a couple of folks who drove here from Houston. Cooper himself resides in Nashville. In addition to the workshop on Saturday afternoon, he was the featured performer there on Saturday night, and he was one of the judges for the venue’s monthly contest, “Sunday Showcase”, on Sunday afternoon.

For those unfamiliar with Bugle Boy, it is a “listening room”. As the term implies, people go there to listen. The sign out front, “Loose lips sink ships”, is a reminder that talking during the songs is not to be tolerated. It is a place where the artists don’t have to compete with a TV blaring a ballgame, a pool table, a bunch of loudmouth patrons, etc. Here they can just sing.

It remains to be seen whether I’ll ever be able to write a song—it’s harder than it looks, but it was an interesting way to spend a hot Saturday afternoon in a nice, cool, cool place.

Finally, a Little Relief

It seems the folks at Hospice Brazos Valley have finally gotten the right combination of pain meds for Angelique. The last two days have been better. Yesterday and today she is finally on the lower half of the "pain scale". Last night, she only got up once. Yay!

Yesterday, brothers Fred, James, and Russell were here. We had a very good meal of some sort of pork chop thingy. I'm sure its recipe will appear here as soon as I can get it from Russ.

Having someone here to kinda keep an eye on things was a big help too. It freed me up to be able to finally feel like I was getting some work done. It's been weeks! I filled up the pickup truck with new freon and hauled around "for sale" signs in this monstrous heat. Maybe this weekend we can get a little relief from that too in the form of some rain...

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned :)

Another Cancer Update

I haven't posted a cancer update in a week. I've been waiting until I could post some good news...well, there really hasn't been any good news in the past week. As the pain moves around and worsens, the doctors and hospice must rely on trial and error to try to lasso it in.

If you've ever had a pain-related medical event, then you know about the "pain scale". It goes from zero to 10; zero representing no pain and 10 representing the worst pain imaginable. It uses a series of "smiley faces" to depict the different levels of pain. Angelique has hovered between 5 and 10 since being hospitalized two weeks ago. She's getting very little sleep at night. Thankfully, for some reason, she can sleep quite a bit during the day.

Keep up the prayers. Thanks for all your good wishes. And Thanks for caring. Stay tuned...

Cheese It Baked Fish

This recipe is from a fishing website. I’m not sure who came up with it, but I like it, so here it is. Once again, quick and easy.

Cheese It Baked Fish

Ingredients:

• 1 lb fish fillets (I’ve had it with catfish and bass—both were good)
• 1 box Cheese It crackers (regular or spicy)
• 2 tbsp Tony Chachere’s Creole seasoning (unless you use spicy crackers, then omit)
• 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
• cooking spray
• 1/2 cup parmesan cheese

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Place crackers in a gallon-size ziplock bag and pulverize into a “meal”. Add seasoning (if applicable) and parmesan cheese. Roll each fillet in olive oil to moisten and place two or three at a time into the bag with the meal mixture. Shake until evenly coated.

Line a shallow baking pan or cookie sheet with foil. Spray with cooking spray. Lay the fillets on the foil. Bake 25 minutes, or until fish flakes. Enjoy! Serves about four.

Mango Shrimp Pasta

This recipe is quick and easy. I made it last night with some boiled shrimp I already had in the fridge. I used HEB-brand Mango Pico de Gallo. Next time, I’ll start with raw shrimp, so if you go that way too, follow the following directions:

Mango Shrimp Pasta

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. raw medium shrimp, peeled & deveined
• 8 oz. capellini pasta (angel hair)
• 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
• 2 cubes chicken bouillon
• 4 tablespoons Mango pico de gallo
• 1 tbsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1 tsp Tony Chachere’s Creole seasoning
• 1 tsp capers
• 1/4 cup parmesan cheese
• 2 quarts water

In a large Dutch oven, place bouillon cubes in water. Bring to a boil. When bouillon cubes are dissolved, drop in pasta.

In a large skillet, or wok, heat olive oil over medium heat. At the first hint of steam, add shrimp, seasonings, capers and pico. Sauté until shrimp are bright orange and the onions in the pico are translucent. Remove from heat and set aside.

When pasta floats, either taste a piece, or use grandma’s method and throw it up against the wall—if it sticks, it’s done. When done, drain in a colander.

Dole out pasta either in large soup bowls, or plates. Pour sautéed shrimp mixture over pasta. Sprinkle on parmesan cheese. Enjoy! Serves about four.

Angelique Update

We are trying to settle into some kind of a routine since Angelique’s return home from the hospital. The “foley” bag has taken some getting used to, but it’s bringing her some relief from the pain of going to the bathroom.

Hospice Brazos Valley is now handling her pain management. They are wonderful. On Sunday, she was running dangerously low on her liquid morphine. That’s the one she really needs when the pain breaks through. I called hospice and, even on a holiday-weekend Sunday, they rounded up the doctor and got the medicine out to our house within a couple of hours. I was very impressed.

Hopefully we’ll get in the groove and then she’ll follow up with a couple of the doctors who treated her in the hospital last week.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned…

Homecoming Update

Happy Fourth of July!

We're home. Angelique had a relatively good night. She only had to awaken three times. That's much better than before, so she finally got some sleep.

We are learning how to manipulate her "foley". That's the bag that collects the fluid from her catheter. She's going to have to wear the catheter from now on. There's a large bag for night time, and a smaller version which straps to her leg and can "easily" be worn under her clothes. That'll be the one she'll wear next time we go dancing!

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned...

Homecoming, maybe?

I came home yesterday to repack and reboot. I talked to Angelique the last time about 6:30 p.m. yesterday. She said the doctors told her they would do all they could to release her today. We all hope so, since it's Fourth of July weekend, and the doctors will not be working.

I'm headed back to Austin in a few minutes. Hopefully we'll get her home where she can get some real rest. As they say, "a hospital is no place to be sick".

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned...

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

After two months of posting mostly fluff, this is my most difficult post to date. This is for those of you who click in to get updates on Angelique.

As you may know, this Friday is the third anniversary of her diagnosis of cervical cancer. After three years of radiation, chemo, radical hysterectomy, more radiation, then more chemo, then chemo again (and more pills than China has rice), she is not going to have chemo anymore. Yesterday morning her oncologist and she decided that the Taxol, the second tier of drugs in her cancer battle, is not affecting the tumor(s).

She was admitted to Seton Medical Center yesterday about noon. The initial objective was to get her pain under control and get a catheter into her bladder. During her week-long trip to the coast, she began to experience swelling in her feet, ankles, and face. She asked aloud last Tuesday, in Port O’Connor, “do you think I should call the doctor?” Of course, the unanimous answer was the question, “will you leave here to go see the doctor?” As you might expect, she did not make any call to any doctor.

Turns out, her doctor thinks the swelling is a symptom of her not being able to empty her bladder due to the location and the growing size of the tumor. As of yesterday, her kidney counts were up, she was in intolerable pain, and the doctor put her in the hospital to get a catheter in her and relieve her immediate misery.

Well, after two unsuccessful  attempts by the nurses, the urologist finally inserted a catheter into her bladder. She immediately released about one liter of fluid. In doing so, her bladder went into spasms, from being so full to being so drained so suddenly. Needless to say, this caused excruciating pain on top of the pain she already had. A helluva deal for being in the hospital for “pain management” to begin with.

After enough morphine to choke an elephant, she fell asleep to fight another day…

That day was today. It began with a visit from her oncologist. The oncologist’s assessment wasn’t exactly positive. Hospice was put back on the table, as were terms like “go home and get your affairs in order”.  But Angelique finally began to show signs of feeling better. She bitched about the food. She bitched about all the goddamn noise those machines in her room were making. She bitched about how long it took the staff to respond to her touches of the nurse-call button. Bitching=feeling better!

And then……………………….and then………………….and then……………….SHE HAD A BOWEL MOVEMENT!!!!!!!!!!! GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned.