“Here’s to you, Babe”

At exactly 6:55 pm tonight, I filled a crystal glass with ice, poured in the single malt scotch that George gave me last Friday, and walked down to the pond, and toasted my wife, my best friend, Angelique. It was her favorite spot in this mortal world. The water level is, of course, down. Cracks in the earth are huge. We beseeched her to send down some rain, but what with the trouble she had peeing for the last month, she probably could not conjure up any rain either.

She passed from this earth exactly one week ago. I thought it was befitting to give her such a tribute tonight. As I was raising my crystal glass to the heavens, a big ol’ bass hit something on the surface of the lake and made that “bloomp” sound that she so loved to hear. It was so sad, yet so sublime.

It is hard to fathom that it has been a week. There has been so much to do. It’s unreal how much activity there is when a loved one dies. Many have been here for me, but the bulk of the details has fallen on me. I still feel exhausted. The first few nights I couldn’t sleep, then I’ve tried to catch up the last couple of nights. I’ve slept better, but with sleep, comes dreams. Dreams of her. Dreams that she’s still here. I don’t want to stop seeing her walk and talk, but at the same time, I need the closure that comes from her disappearing from my dreams. Holy shit! I wish Bailey already had that psychology degree…or was it a drama degree? Crap, at this point, what’s the difference?

Our Relay for Life will fall on 9/19, exactly one month after Angelique’s passing. Here’s hoping we remember the kleenex.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned…

Finding a “New Normal”

After all the company is gone, and the house is quiet, that’s when I am confronted with my silent, private thoughts. The missing Angelique is setting in. The mundane suddenly is poignant. I had to put on a load of wash while ago which contained that last of the clothes she wore. Her cell phone rang yesterday. It was her beloved Democratic Party. I had to tell the guy that she passed away. Wow. The cat is wandering the house meowing, looking for her. There is nothing on TV that doesn’t remind me of her.

In 18 years, we rarely went more than a couple of days or nights without being together. In that time, we never went a whole day without talking with each other.

The girls are seeming to start to move around again. Danielle’s good friend just had a baby. I don’t know if the symbolism of that event is something that she grasps or not. The “circle of life” thing. She’s been trying to help their family with the rigors of such a joyous occasion, while mourning mom at the same time.

Bailey, instead of attending classes today, worked out the kinks in her school schedule. She called me this afternoon ecstatic about being on-track to graduate as a junior in May. As an added bonus, she’s going to be able to pursue her first love, basketball, without being in athletics class. Just the sound of her excited voice assured me that she might have gotten the well-needed dose of “life goes on”.

That’s what Angelique wants—for us to carry on. And carry on we will, dammit.

Thanks for caring. Stay tuned.

Services are Set

Funeral services for Angelique will be held at 10:00 am, Saturday, August 22 at Queen of the Holy Rosary Catholic Church in Hostyn, TX. A rosary will be prayed prior to mass, approximately 9:15 am.

From Schulenburg take US 77 north 10 miles. Turn left on FM 2436. The Church is atop the hill on the right.

From La Grange take US 77 south five miles. Turn right on FM 2436. The Church is atop the hill on the right.

In lieu of flowers, Angelique asked that donations be made to Hospice Brazos Valley, 1048 N. Jefferson, La Grange, TX 78945.